Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

Wedding anniversary II

Saturday, October 28th, 2017 | Family & Parenting

Earlier this month, Elina and I celebrated our second wedding anniversary. By my calculations, we will probably get in another two after this, before the divorce year. So, it’s important we make the most of them.

Storm Ophelia was sweeping in. However, given the very limited amount of baby-free time we get, we decided to brave it and cycle up to Appley Bridge for a pub lunch.

The food at the Stansfield Arms was okay. They put onion in Elina’s salad, despite us requesting it to be onion-free. When they returned from the kitchen with a new one, it still stank of onion, so we had to give that a wide berth.

On the ride home, we were treated to a beautiful sky.

Why get married?

Monday, July 25th, 2016 | Thoughts


I have always been a lot uncomfortable with the fact I married.

Am I unhappy with Elina? No. I left the wording that way for comic effect. What I am talking about here is what is the point of actually getting married? We’re not religious, so we could simply cohabit and that would pose no barrier to us having a relationship or starting a family.

So why marry? Here are some suggestions:

It’s a pleasurable thing to do

A lot of these reasons might be post hoc. I tried to put a reason to what I was doing after I had decided to do it. So lets start with one that eliminates all of that: I just wanted to emotionally, because it’s a pleasurable thing to do.

Which it is. It’s a fun day. Planning it is fun too. It’s a ritual, and humans love rituals.

You get to have a party

A wedding is big party that everyone makes the effort to turn up to. You get to see people you haven’t seen in ages, and celebrate with the people you love. Nothing brings people together like a hatch, a match, or a dispatch. In some ways, a wedding is a service we reciprocally provide to our family and friends so they can see each other.

It could add sticking power

How much a marriage causes people to stick together is debatable. They are quite easy to get out of these days. You can divorce. Lots of people do (though interesting, divorce rates have actually been falling for the past 40 years).

However, my hunch is that they do some good. For example, when we campaign for an election, we get people to sign a pledge card to say they will vote. Getting them to do that significantly increases the changes they will vote. Making a commitment in front of your family and friends is likely to create some social pressure.

Also, as Tim Minchin points out in If I Didn’t Have You, relationships are more about building shared experience than love at first sight. Having an experience, such as a wedding, could be a powerful emotional building block in your relationship.

Legally, it makes sense

First, it clears up a lot of inheritance issues. If you are married and your partner dies, you get their stuff. You can write a will and do other legal things without marriage of course. However, just the act of getting married gives you all of this stuff out-of-the-box, which keeps things simple and easy.

Second, because partners have certain rights, it makes it more worth making sacrifices for your partner. You can take choices with your family, educate, career, etc, knowing that you will have some legal recourse if it does all end in divorce.

Social pressure

We are all affected my social pressure to some degree. Perhaps I am less than most: I mostly married because people did not expect me to. One acquaintance, who kept nagging Elina and I to get married doesn’t know we have: I take off my wedding ring and pretend we’re still just boyfriend and girlfriend, just to annoy her.

However, other people may feel a strong social pressure. Maybe their parents or grandparents really want them to get married. Is it irrational to do something you don’t personally care about to please someone you love? I would suggest probably not (especially as such people often pick up the bill).

Visa reasons

I know friends who have married for visa reasons. That does not mean they are not in love. It just means they were happy cohabiting, but then the legal issues got in the way and the only way they could continue their relationship was by getting a piece of paper. That seems a legitimate choice to make in a world that only recognises loving relationships when you sign an official form.

A Valentine’s Day Poem

Sunday, February 14th, 2016 | Family & Parenting


Roses are red
Like the blood spilled by Xena
Last year we wed
Because I love Elina

Leeds Wedding

Friday, December 4th, 2015 | Events, Family & Parenting

Thank you to those who celebrated our Leeds wedding with us! The photos are back and here are a few of our favourites.













Giving notice

Monday, April 27th, 2015 | Life

Before you get married, you have to give notice. This means going down to your local registry office (as it has to be your local) and saying you want to marry. They then put a notice up for 28 days to allow people to object. How people object I don’t know, because I have never checked their notice board to see if anyone is trying to marry twice, but apparently they can.

Currently, it costs £35 each. However, as UK marriages are strictly limited to no more and no less than two people, why it costs £35 each rather than £70 per couple is unclear.

When we went down they checked our ID. We took passports and driving licences, which is all we needed both being EU citizens – no other documents or passport photos or anything were required.

After checking the ID we were then separated to ensure neither of us were being forced to marry. This is fine except she never actually asked either of us if we were being forced to go through with the marriage. Neither of us are, but it seems the whole point should be to ask us. Instead we just had to confirm each other’s full names, date of birth, address and occupation.

Free, as in weddings

Friday, October 3rd, 2014 | Photos


I think this hotel is mocking the fact that everyone gauges couples as soon as they say the word “wedding”. They offer free wedding cake, decorations as a bridal suite. All in quote marks.


Thursday, September 25th, 2014 | News


I’m pleased to announce that Elina and I are now engaged. We have not made any plans yet. I am very pleased obviously, but to be honest, I don’t really see it as a big deal. I already knew I loved Elina, and I knew that she loved me. The engagement is really just a way to lock that in in case I get some kind of horrible disease or something.

I proposed after a moonlit serenade of The Church’s “Under The Milky Way Tonight”. I have a video of it, though I am not planning to put it online.

As you probably know, it’s tradition that when a Finnish woman gets married, her friends shower her with thousands of euros of gifts per person. I know that none of you will want to be culturally insensitive…

Sarann & Moz’s Wedding

Thursday, March 28th, 2013 | Friends, Photos

Congratulations to Sarann and Moz, who tied the knot earlier this month. The ceremony was in a beautiful setting and the entire day was enjoyable, which is most unusual for a wedding.

IMG_0474 IMG_0490 IMG_0499 IMG_0511 IMG_0515 IMG_0521 IMG_0548 IMG_0570 IMG_0594 IMG_0612 IMG_0623 IMG_0627


Saturday, February 9th, 2013 | Religion & Politics

Chris Ward tweeted this picture.


The Gijs gets hitched

Saturday, January 3rd, 2009 | Friends

I was rather suprised when I got an email on Monday from Gijsbert inviting me to his wedding – on Friday! Apparently he and his girlfriend Weili, who have been living together for a while now anyway had decided to marry and wanted to do it soon so decided to keep it fairly small.

The ceremony took place at the Town Hall which is quite a nice venue even if they do struggle to find an ambient temperature between rooms but all the staff were helpful and professional so it made for a nice ceremony.

Afterwards we headed back to Gijsbert’s appartment for a quick stop before heading out to dinner at Oriental City, an excellent though hidden away Chinese restaurant in town. I managed to eat my way through quite a large array of dishes, they just seemed to have a line of people bringing more food to the table, not that any of us were complaining, the duck and the still intact sea bass being particular highlights.

Group photo Group photo The happy couple